


The stars won't give up on you

by croissantbleu



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Phandom Big Bang, Phandom Big Bang 2017, Plantboy Phil Lester, Spaceboy Dan Howell, University AU, abusive past relationship, dermatographia, skin disease, small alcohol mentions towards the end, too much talk about stars and constellations probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-07 18:11:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12846705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/croissantbleu/pseuds/croissantbleu
Summary: Dan loved space and science and couldn't stand being touched. Phil loved plants and art and just so happened to be carrying a cactus when he met Dan for the first time just in front of his uni class. There was something intriguing about the boy, and it wasn’t just because of how he flinched out of the way immediately, or how his skin went red in a second. Phil decided he wanted to know more about him, and not only because he was awfully cute.





	The stars won't give up on you

**Author's Note:**

> so, this is my PBB fic! Once again, a immense thank you to @dodiebee for being a great beta, and @nataliadeluckah for creating this amazing art (that you will also find in the fic itself). This PBB has been such a great experience, I’m really glad I could share it with you both!

Phil was carrying a cactus. Nothing particularly surprising about this, half of the university knew him as PlantBoy because of his tendency to have plants and flowers of some kind everywhere he went. He knew the gardeners of the campus by their first name and had even managed to obtain a corner of dirt where they let him take care of his own plantations. That was where you needed to go if you were ever looking for him.

Now, the reason why this fact was relevant here was that he walked into someone.

With the cactus in hand.

Oops.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry,” Phil exclaimed as he rushed to the guy on the ground. “Are you okay?”

He didn’t miss how the boy flinched away from him, or how the skin on his arm was already getting red. He didn’t hit him that violently, did he? He was starting to feel bad.

“Yeah, I’m fine, it’s okay.” The boy stood up from the ground without even a glance at the hand Phil was offering him. “Don’t worry about it.”

He turned around and walked away before Phil could say anything.

**

“Hey Phil, you coming or what?” PJ asked.

“Yes, uh, I just need to go check something, I’ll be right back.”

“What, are you going to look for your mystery boy again? Look, I get it, he was cute, but-”

“Peej, I just want to apologize, ok? It has nothing to do with him being cute or whatever. Never said he was, by the way, you’re just making that up. I just, look - maybe he got an allergic reaction or something and I just want to make sure I didn’t screw up too much. Alright?”

“Okay, I get it,” PJ said. “But it’s been a week Phil, and you haven’t-”

“I’m not asking for permission anyway, so, I’ll see you later Peej.”

Phil turned around and walked away, not without hearing the resigned sigh from Peej. He wasn’t sure how to interpret it but hey, a sigh was never a good thing. Or at least that was his opinion. But he knew PJ wasn’t actually mad at him for being so determined to apologize to the mystery guy. They had been friends for long enough ; he had gotten used to how stubborn Phil could be a long time ago.

He kept walking. He knew it was probably stupid to care that much about apologizing to someone he didn’t even know weeks later, but he couldn’t help it. What if he did hurt him? He should know better than that, really, walking around with a cactus was probably never a good idea. What was he thinking? He was feeling bad again.

He barely remembered to turn at the right moment, and looked up just in time to see Cactus Boy walk past him, wearing a shirt with astronaut cats on it.

“Hey, wait, sorry!”

He stretched out his arm to tap the boy’s shoulder, and quickly took a step back when he jumped out of the way.

“Don’t touch m- oh, wait, you’re the cactus guy, aren’t you?” He said when he looked up at Phil.

“Yeah, my name is Phil by the way. I just wanted to apologize for the other time, I should’ve been more careful...”

He stopped talking when the brown-haired boy shook his head with a smile.

“No problem at all, really, don’t worry about it. It’s fine. But, wait, I don’t think I’ve seen you in this part of the building before? I don’t have a great memory but I’m pretty sure I would remember someone with a cactus shirt,” he laughed. “I don’t want to hold you back if you have something to do, so…”

“Actually, uh, I don’t,” Phil grimaced shyly.

He could see the surprise appear on his face, with eyebrows raising and eyes going slightly wider.

“Did you come down here just to apologize? I- I mean, you really didn’t have to, it’s alright.”

“Well, yeah, to apologize and maybe buy you a coffee? As repayment. If you want, of course.”

The smile he received as an answer was unquestionably worth the awkwardness of the question.

“Yes, sure! That’d be great. Oh, I’m Dan by the way.”

“Nice to meet you then, Dan. I mean, properly meet you. I’m not counting that cactus disaster, let’s just forget about it.”

Dan laughed and Phil didn’t miss the way his eyes crinkled and his face lit up.

“Alright, let’s forget about the cactus disaster. When do you want to do this, then?”

“I do need to finish an assignment so, what about Thursday? “

“That works for me. Wait, I’ll give you my number so you can tell me the details, I kinda told a friend I’d join her and I’m already late, she’s going to kill me,” Dan chuckled again, after checking the time.

“Yes, sure. Sorry for making you late,” Phil smiled. “I’ll text you later?”

“Looking forward to that! And don’t apologize, I’m always late anyway,” he said as he walked away.

He had barely taken a couple steps when a blonde girl walked up to him.

“You’re always late, I swear you’re doing it on purpose!” she exclaimed when she was at his level, lightly bumping his shoulder.

“Chill, Louise,” Dan laughed. “You know that’s not true, I’m just bad at keeping track of time. But let’s go now, before we’re actually late.”

Phil smiled and turned around. He had to get back to PJ as well before he became too insufferable.

**

“So,” PJ said after a while of them playing video games, as usual. “How did it go this time?”

Phil shrugged. “I found him. I thought it was a disaster and awkward as hell, but he agreed to let me get him coffee as an apology so, maybe that went alright.”

“Ooh, would you look at that! Our little Philly got himself a date,” PJ snickered.

“Oh come on! Don't call me Philly, I've told you that a billion times already. And it's totally not a date. I just don't want him to think I just throw cactuses at people when I'm bored.”

“You know, I'm pretty sure just saying you're sorry would've been enough. Don't know of many people who invite someone to coffee just to apologize.”

“Alright, shut up. I'm going to destroy your high score, shouldn't have messed with me.”

“Your phone's ringing,” PJ pointed out.

“You just know you're going to lose, even if you don't want to admit it” Phil retorted before grabbing his phone on the table. “Give me a sec, but don't think you're saved from my vengeful wrath.”

PJ simply laughed, and Phil picked up the call.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Phil, is that right?”

He frowned and checked the screen, which was indicating Dan as the person calling. Except that the voices definitely didn't match.

“Uh yes, and you are?”

He heard some kind of struggle before someone spoke again.

“Fuck, sorry Phil, that wasn't me -Louise I swear to god I hate you!” It was Dan’s voice this time and the sound of someone’s laughter in the background, and Phil suddenly understood what the hell was happening. “ _Someone_ decided it would be a good idea to steal my phone and annoy you. Sorry! Will make sure that doesn't happen again!”

Phil laughed. “You can't just say that, now I'm really intrigued by what that entails.”

“Oh, you know. The usual. I'm just going to lose her in a forest. By accident of course.”

“Darling, you'll lose yourself before you lose me, and you know it,” the other person -Phil assumed it was Louise- intervened.

“Yeah, you're right,” Dan admitted after a short pause. “Anyway, sorry for the bother Phil, she'll leave you alone now, promise. Well, probably. I don't really know. Hopefully. I'll try to keep her away from the phone.”

“Don't worry about it,” Phil smiled. “If she's too nosy I could always _accidentally_ be carrying a certain plant around.”

PJ raised an eyebrow at him while Dan burst out laughing over the phone.

“Good one! Good one. I see I can count on you to deal with her if needed. Noted.”

“Yeah, I think I can manage. Hey, you don't get to where I am without making enemies.”

“Phil, if you tell me you're part of a gang or something I'll have to sadly inform you I'm suddenly busy next thursday,” Dan declared solemnly after a second or two.

“Almost,” Phil answered just as seriously. “I mean, I do know the gardeners by their name and vice-versa. It is a pretty powerful position, if you think about it for a minute.”

“Man, you might just have the most prestigious position in the whole uni, I'm not sure I should accept your invitation after all.”

“I promise to not use my powers for evil. Or, at least not when you're around.”

“I think I can do with that. So, what do we say? Around 4?” Dan asked.

“Yep, that’s fine with me. That's a plan now, see you then!”

“Yeah, bye Phil.”

“Bye Dan.”

“Not a date, huh?” Peej said after Phil hung up.

“Not a date,” he confirmed. “Now, I believe I had a mission the annihilate you at this stupid game, so bring it on.”

**

Phil walked a little faster. He was glad he decided to take his jacket at the last moment, the autumnal air was colder than he had thought. He was just about to get to the coffee shop anyway, a bit early as usual. He hated to be late and did his best to never be, if he could avoid it. He pushed the door open and was greeted by a wave of warmth and the comforting smell of coffee . He smiled to a few people behind the counter. He kind of was a regular here, as most of the uni students honestly, but he loved coffee a little bit more, maybe. He went to take a seat on a chair next to the window, opacified by the difference of heat between inside and outside.

He took out his phone and checked the time, just when someone plopped down in the seat in front of him.

“Hi,” Dan said.

“Hi,” Phil smiled. “What do you want? I’ll go order.”

“Mhh…”He thought for a second. “Haven’t had a caramel macchiato in probably forever, so that seems like a good idea. Please!”

“Coming right up,” Phil announced as he got up from his seat.

It took only a few minutes before he was back at the table, setting Dan's drink in front of him and taking a sip of his own, nearly burning himself.

“Nice shirt,” Dan said with a smile, placing his hands around his cup to warm them a little.

Phil looked down at his shirt, with a few drawings of plants and the words “Plants are friends”.

“Thank you, yours isn't bad either,” he pointed at the sweater covered in galaxies Dan was wearing.

Dan laughed. “Yeah, guess we're both just giant nerds. You've got paint just about… all over your hands, by the way. And on your cheek. Do I even want to know how that happened?”

Phil chuckled. “Sorry, oil paint is a real pain to wash off, and I'm a mess. And don't worry, I was just trying to find ideas of something to do for my mum's birthday. It was so much worse yesterday, you have no idea.”

“No, you’re right, I probably don’t. I take it you’re an art major?”

“Yeah. Fourth year.  Mostly filmmaking though, I love to draw and paint and stuff, but mostly in my own time. When I have any,” he chuckled.

Dan pushed up his sleeves, and Phil noticed things written on his arms. He took another look and was able to make out the shape of some kind of molecular design - he had no idea which one though, it definitely wasn’t his area of expertise - and was that a constellation on his other arm?

“What about you,” Phil pointed at the drawings, “physics major?”

“I wish,” Dan chuckled. “But no, psychology. Second year. I would’ve loved physics because it’s just… so fascinating but apparently that requires some kind of ability to understand maths and, yeah, that’s not really my thing.”

“What a shame,” Phil shook his head. “When will maths stop ruining our dreams, honestly.”

Dan laughed. “I know, right? This is ridiculous. And like, I can see the appeal of it once you understand how something works etcetera, and I know that, logically, physics doesn’t make any sense without maths, but still. That’s so unfair.”

Phil nodded. “Yeah dude. Maths. I’m better off with my acrylics, thank you very much.”

They enjoyed their drinks in silence for a little while, both just enjoying the warmth and coziness of the seats.

“Hey,” Phil spoke up suddenly, frowning. “Your arm looks red, are you alright? You’re not having an allergic reaction, are you?”

Dan looked down at the skin reddening on his forearm.

“Oh, no, it’s nothing! Don’t worry. Well, I do call it allergy sometimes but it’s just, uh, my skin. I have dermatographia and I guess I just scratched my arm without paying attention. Look,” he laid his arm on the table, showing the lines forming the constellation. “That’s why it’s slightly embossed under the ink. It's like that with any kind of physical contact, really, it gets red and puffs up a bit. Doesn’t hurt though, it just itches a little, but I don't always notice it anymore.”

Phil really wanted to run his fingers across the marks, but he didn’t. Because frankly, that would be a bit creepy considering they barely knew each other, but also because he remembered how Dan had avoided all physical contact since they met, even when it was just to help him stand up. Somehow he really doubted that doing so would be okay. It would just be creepy anyway. So, Phil kept his hands safely around his cup of coffee.

**

Phil was in his room, staring blindly at the document where an essay was supposed to be, when his phone chirped. It was probably PJ, he had gone out with other friends but Phil had chosen to stay and work on this damn essay before it was too late to work on it without stress parasitizing every thought.

**_From: Dan_ **

_i hate this_

**_From: Dan_ **

_this paper is stupid_

**_From: Dan_ **

_freud can go and choke_

**_From: Dan_ **

_i mean he’s dead but i wouldn’t be opposed to him dying again_

**_To: Dan_ **

_So much hatred for Freud. Poor guy_

**_To: Dan_ **

_But same honestly, writing papers is booooring. Even in filmmaking_

**_From: Dan_ **

_wanna suffer with me?_

Phil looked at the time. 7pm. The library wouldn’t close for another two and a half hours.

**_To: Dan_ **

_Meet me at the library in 15 minutes?_

**_From: Dan_ **

_make it 10. i need to go find some smart quotes anyway_

**

From this point, they both decided to set up some kind of study sessions at least once a week. They mostly went to Dan’s room because the library wasn’t always the best place, and Dan didn’t have a roommate anyway so that wasn't bothering anybody. Granted, after a few weeks, they weren’t study sessions as much as an occasion to hang out.

The walls in Dan’s room were covered in posters of planets, constellations, and anything space related, really. Phil had decided that it was too dark and depressing, and had started bringing little plants, that he put anywhere he could.

Dan was finding it hilarious and kept finding ways for them to be just another part of the space theme he had going on. Starting by their name, obviously. So far, there was Nebula the succulent, Pulsar the cactus, a pink amaryllis by the name of Supernova, and a “bunny ear” cactus called Hubble. Phil had raised an eyebrow at this last one, before Dan explained him with a smirk that “of course it had to be Hubble, look at it. It looks like bubbles. Bubbles, Hubble?” Phil had laughed and given up on trying to argue with him about this.

Phil had tried getting his revenge at Christmas, by giving Dan a t-shirt saying “Life Succs” above a few drawings of succulents. That had made Dan laugh so much Phil had feared he would stop breathing for a second. And then, Dan gave him a shirt with “Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything” written on it, and this time Phil laughed so much he nearly fell off his chair.

**

Dan was acting weird.

It had been a week or two since Phil first noticed, and at first he figured it was just because he was stressed due to an assignment, but that wasn’t it. He knew Dan often had nightmares and difficulties sleeping before, but the bags under his eyes kept getting worse, and he didn't look like he was getting any sleep. He had tried talking to him, of course, without succeeding. Dan would just get upset and tell him that everything was fine, he had nothing to worry about. Nothing Phil said had seemed to change his mind, so he decided it was better to stop bothering him about it. At least for a while. Until this morning.

“Hey,” Dan said as he sat on the chair in front of Phil.

They were in the library this time, as Phil actually needed to look through some books for one of his classes, instead of the usual pretending that he was getting any work done while debating with Dan about which recent movie was the best one.

“Hey,” Phil looked up to him and immediately felt a frown appear on his face. “No offense, but you look like crap. Everything’s okay?”

Dan sighed. “I told you, I’m fine. Stop asking me the same thing constantly.”

That was usually where Phil apologized and talked about something else - anything, it didn't matter -, but not this time. He really was worried about him, and his filter didn't work as well as it was supposed to in these cases. Dan always was a little hard to read and Phil had accepted that, but now he really didn't know what to do. He could tell Dan wasn't alright, but he didn't know how to help. And that was driving him insane.

“Dan, I’m serious. I’ve tried to leave you alone, really, but you’ve been acting weird for a while and it’s not getting better. Did you talk to Louise at least, or-”

“I can handle this alone, Phil. Drop it.”

Dan’s voice was cold, and his eyes were even colder. Phil probably should’ve known it was better to stop then, but he was too upset to see how Dan was reacting.

“That doesn’t mean you should.”

“Okay, you know what?” Dan snapped and stood up, his chair scraping the floor. “Fuck you. I’m done here, leave me the fuck alone.”

“Dan, wait- I just-”

“And don’t talk to me,” Dan cut him off.

Phil had never seen Dan so angry, and he realized a bit late that he had gone too far. If Dan’s eyes could’ve shot lasers, there was no doubt they would have. Dan turned around and walked away without saying anything.

*

**_To: Dan_ **

_I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you._

He never got an answer to that. He wasn't even sure if Dan had read it or just deleted it immediately.

*

“Funny how you’ve been here a lot, recently,” PJ pointed out before eating a piece of chocolate. “I think I’ve seen you more in the past week than in the last 3 months. What happened with your mystery boy?”

Phil looked at him, sitting at the desk, the best he could from his position of lying on the floor, before looking back at the ceiling.

“He doesn’t want to talk to me anymore,” he mumbled.

PJ turned on his chair to face him.

“You sure? You guys seemed pretty inseparable.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. He’s avoiding me.”

“Phil,” Peej sighed. “What did you do?”

He laid an arm across his face.

“I fucked up. And I was an asshole. So, yeah, I’m not really surprised.”

“Did you even _try_ to apologize? You wouldn’t believe how effective it is in slowly making people not completely hate you when you've made a mistake.”

“I told you, he’s avoiding me.”

PJ stayed silent, but Phil could tell he was giving him the “are you kidding me” look, without even seeing it. He sighed.

“No, I didn’t. I don’t want to make things worse.”

The noise Peej made was a mix of frustration and tiredness.

“An apology is like the one thing that won't make things worse. Except if you're being an asshole.”

“But what do I say?”

“How would I know! You messed up, go say you're sorry for what you said or whatever and try not being a dick this time.”

“Yeah. I could do that.”

“Dear God, how have you survived in society for this long?” PJ exclaimed.

Phil laughed a little. “I haven’t. I'm surviving with plants.”

“You're impossible. If I see you still on the floor in a few days I swear I'll drag you to him and make you apologize if I have to.”

“That's noted.”

“I sure hope it is, because I'm completely serious.”

“I know, I know. I'll do something.”

**

Phil was definitely doomed to making bad plans, at least that’s what he told himself as he stood waiting next to the philosophy room. Apart from here, he didn’t really know where else to find Dan. And he didn’t want to just go to his room, he felt it would be unfair for some reason. Like some kind of boundary that he would be disrespecting.

A few students walked by him, and he barely noticed Dan wearing the shirt he gave him at Christmas. He looked even worse than the last time Phil saw him, and he felt his throat tighten at the thought that he had made everything worse instead of helping him. Dan had quickly grown to be one of his closest friends, with PJ, and he should’ve been there for him when he needed, instead of pushing him. He felt stupid, and didn’t get the chance to stop Dan before he was already in the room.

His plan originally involved sneaking in if he needed to, but he just turned around and walked away. He decided Dan deserved a better apology than just two sentences.

He got to work as soon as he entered his own room.

*

Phil had spent the vast majority of the night working on this. Peej had barely opened the door before seeing him and deciding he was going to spend the night somewhere else. Phil couldn’t blame him, the room was really kind of a mess.

He had managed to get a couple hours of sleep after he was done, mostly because the paint needed to dry and there wasn’t much he could do at this point.  He probably should’ve taken a shower before though, his arms were covered in dried watercolour when he woke up. Thankfully, it hadn’t been too difficult to wash away. That was part of why he liked watercolour better.

Phil looked at the painting one last time before leaving the room. He had traced about 15 constellations, mostly real ones but also a few plant-themed ones, just because he couldn’t resist it. In all honesty, it was easily one of the pieces he was most proud of. _That_ felt like an acceptable apology.

He hesitated on where Dan would be, but remembered he had a two hours break at this time every Thursday, and he had probably gone back to his room already. So that’s where Phil was headed, the painting under his arm after he took the time to cover it.

He really had missed Dan during the past few days, more than he expected. His first reflex when he saw something funny was still to send him a text, before remembering Dan didn’t want to talk to him and deleting it. It really had been a weird week and a half, Phil thought as he arrived at Dan’s door. He knocked.

There was some noise inside, and the door opened a couple seconds later. Phil didn’t miss the look of surprise on Dan’s face before it was replaced by something else that he couldn’t quite identify. He looked exhausted.

“What do you want?” Dan asked, seeming on the defensive.

“I’m… I just wanted to give you this,” Phil explained, handing him the painting still covered and making sure their hands wouldn’t touch.

Dan took it and removed the paper on top of it. He didn’t say anything for a moment, and his voice was raw when he spoke again.

“Did you- Did you make this… for me?”

“Yeah, that’s the least I could do. Look, I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have insisted that much. That wasn’t fair.”

A tear fell on the painting.

“Shit,” Dan wiped his face, “I’m ruining it, sorry.”

Phil’s arms were almost aching to pull him into a hug, but he didn’t. Instead, he took a tissue from his pocket and handed it to him with a smile.

“It’s yours, you don’t have to apologize to me.”

Dan looked at him, and smiled back a little.

“Thank you.”

“No problem. I’m gonna go now, I’ll see you around?” Phil said, already starting to walk away.

He didn’t want to come off too strong again.

“Wait!” Dan called out. “Do you wanna come in?”

“Sure,” Phil grinned. “If that’s okay with you?”

“I wouldn’t have asked otherwise,” Dan pretended to roll his eyes.

*

“Hey, by the way,” Dan spoke up after they'd been hanging out for a while. “I'm sorry too.”

Phil looked up at him from the constellation book he was looking through.

“What for?”

Dan stood up from his chair to sit next to Phil on the floor, their backs resting against the side of the bed.

“Well, first of all for letting you sit on the floor, what a rude host I make.” Phil laughed at that. “I know, you say you don't mind,” Dan smiled. “But, okay, that's not what I meant. I'm sorry for the way I reacted. I know you were just trying to help, but…”

“Hey, no, don't apologize. It's my fault, I didn't get to push you like that. I should've known better, and you had every right to tell me to fuck off. Alright?”

“Alright. But still, I know you meant well.”

Phil shook his head.

“That doesn't excuse it. You never have to tell me anything unless you want to. I _was_ worried about you, and I still am, but I shouldn't have pushed you to tell me something you clearly didn't want to talk about.”

Dan smiled.

“Thank you.”

Phil smiled back, without adding anything.

“By the way, did I tell you Cepheus was my favourite constellation or did you put it in randomly?” Dan asked after a short moment of looking at the painting again.

“No you told me a while ago. I remembered, so I had to include it.”

“I can't believe you remembered. I wasn't even sure you heard me, you were so focused on your phone.”

Phil chuckled. “Of course I remembered. That was important to you, wasn't it? I wasn't going to forget.”

Dan laughed and let his head fall back on the bed.

“Of course you did,” he mumbled.

*

“Hey, Phil!”

He turned around, along with a few people in the hallway. He raised an eyebrow when he saw Dan walking towards him. He waited until he had caught up to him.

“Why do you walk so fast,” Dan complained.

“Didn't know I was supposed to slow down,” Phil chuckled. “What can I help you with, my good sir?”

“You left your sketchbook in my room last time, thought you might want it back.”

“Dan, that was like a week ago.”

“I know!” Dan seemed to blush a little. “I didn't see it before, you dropped it behind my desk, for some goddamn reason. Here,” he handed it to Phil.

“Did you look through it?” Phil asked, genuinely curious.

Dan shook his head.

“Can't say I wasn't tempted, but no. Respecting boundaries and all that stuff.”

Phil laughed. “Yeah, I think we're good with that. You look better, by the way. Less tired, I mean. Okay that was weird, wasn't it?”

Dan chuckled. “No, it's okay. Thanks. I am. Less tired. I've been sleeping better.”

“That's good,” Phil smiled. “You kinda looked like crap. No offense.”

“I can't say anything, I really did. Anyway, I have to leave you now, talk to you later?”

“Sure!”

**

**_From: Dan_ **

_hey_

**_From: Dan_ **

_you awake?_

**_To: Dan_ **

_Of course_

**_From: Dan_ **

_good. wanna come stargazing with me?_

**_To: Dan_ **

_I wouldn't refuse for anything in the world. What do I need to bring?_

**_From: Dan_ **

_cheesy. and nothing, I'm already on the way to your room. grab a jacket tho it's cold af_

**_To: Dan_ **

_It's March and 11pm, Dan. Of course it's cold. Do you want me to get one for you too?_

**_From: Dan_ **

_…please_

**_To: Dan_ **

_I can't believe you. Hurry up, you're going to end up with pneumonia or something_

**_From: Dan_ **

_i’m literally right here_

*

“I can't believe you thought of bringing a blanket with you but not your jacket,” Phil chuckled, following Dan to ‘the perfect stargazing spot’, as he said.

“Shut up,” Dan mumbled. “Stop making fun of me and watch your steps, you're going to fall and hurt yourself. But thanks for the hoodie.”

“Alright, alright, I'd be sorry to miss such an experience just because I tripped while laughing at you. Sorry, won't happen again.”

“I sure hope so,” Dan smiled. “Alright, let's stop here.”

They were still in the uni, but a bit further than usual. Phil thought he recognized the place.

“Hey, isn't that the gardners’ thing? They let me plant flowers right over there. We're not supposed to come here, are we?”

“I can,” Dan said, climbing up the little mound. “I told them it's the best place for stargazing and they know I'm careful. Technically, _you_ aren't allowed to be here but hey, they probably like you as a weird plant guy so you'll be fine.”

“Hey, I'm not a weird plant guy,” Phil laughed as he followed him. “I'm just, slightly more interested in plants than most people.”

Dan shook his head.

“Help me lay out the blanket instead, you spork.”

Phil complied, and soon enough they were both lying on the blue and white blanket, and looking up at the sky.

“See? I told you it was a great spot. There aren't any trees or buildings in the way here, and there's no light around so the stars are a bit easier to see.”

“It's beautiful,” Phil breathed.

The night sky was everywhere above him, full of stars and constellations. It was incredibly clear, no wonder it was so cold, there wasn't a single cloud to be seen. He was shivering, even with his jacket on, the crisp air always finding a way to slip under it.

“Hey,” Phil asked after a few seconds. “What’s this big shiny star over there?”

Dan laughed. “Phil, come on! We’ve been over this. It’s not a star, it’s Venus.”

“Yeah, yeah, I knew that. I was just testing you,” Phil smiled.

“Sure, that’s totally what that was.”

“What's the first constellation you recognize?” Phil asked a few seconds later.

“You see those five stars, slightly on your right? They kinda make a “w”. Can you see it? That's Cassiopeia. Usually the first I notice. And, just a little bit more to the right, over here,” Dan pointed at another part of the sky. “Do you see, there are four stars making a kind of square, and another one on top and it's like when a child draws a house? This one is a bit harder to see because the stars aren't as bright.”

“No, no, I got it. Wait, that's Cepheus, right?”

“Yes!” Dan chuckled. “You'll be better at this than me in no time. The stars won't let you down.”

Phil smiled, but didn't say anything. They both stayed silent, just observing the sky and the way some stars were flickering. Dan broke the quiet by taking a deep breath.

“Look, I didn't just bring you here to see the stars.”

“No? Ah man, what a disappointment. And I thought you just liked my company.”

Dan laughed. “Shut up! I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Phil turned his head to look at him, and saw him in the same position, staring back at him.

“You don't have to.”

“I know,” Dan smiled. “But, I want to. It's important.”

Dan looked back at the stars, and Phil did as well. A few seconds went by before Dan spoke up again.

“During my last year in highschool, when I was… 17, I got a girlfriend. I know, surprising,” he laughed a little. “She was called Laura. Things were going alright, she was nice and all, until she found out about my weird skin. That's- I guess that's when it all started to fall apart. She was so mad I didn't tell her about it, even when I told her that was something I never really made peace with. And, yeah. Everything was bad after that.”

He paused for a bit. Phil couldn't find any words, they were stuck in his throat.

“I don't think anyone realized what was happening. I know I didn't. The weird part is, Laura kept telling me that she loved me. And, I don’t know, it’s like it froze my brain and I couldn’t do anything against it. I think, in some way it made sense to me? It was like, if she loved me then surely it couldn’t be that bad, right? Don’t answer that, I know it’s not true. But that’s how I saw it at the time. And also, she didn’t seem as bad as the general image you have of abusive people, so I think that fucked me up too. Because I thought, hey, maybe that’s just because of my weird skin and she wouldn’t do that to other people. Mostly because that was true, she loved just scratching it hard enough for it to burn, badly, but of course it never left a mark or anything. It took me fucking ages to realize that it still didn’t make it okay at all. Well, ages and Louise’s help.”

“Dan…”

"You know the worst part though?" Dan asked, not looking away from the stars on top of them.  
  
"What was it?"  
  
"Even when... even when I, like, realized I had to go and that it wasn't right at all, she still always made me feel like it was all my fault."  
  
Phil turned his head on the side to watch him, seeing him blink quickly a couple of times. His voice was slightly rougher when he spoke again.  
  
"As if- as if somehow I was responsible for everything - my fucking weird skin, her being a controlling violent shithead - and, I- I _knew_ that wasn't my fault but maybe if I'd walked out of it earlier it all would've been easier, because shit... if it hadn't been for Louise, I don't- I don't know how I would've gotten out of that hell."

  
Seeing Dan in such a state was making Phil so incredibly angry against anyone having hurt him. In this case, Laura. He stretched out his arm, his hand close to Dan's, but always at a safe distance. Just to let him know he was there. Dan had thrown his left arm over his face, covering his eyes, and he was taking short and quick breaths. Phil decided it was better to let him regain his spirits for a while, and looked back at the starry sky.

After a few seconds, he felt something touch his hand and looked back to see Dan's fingers intertwined with his. His eyes were shining from tears, and Phil felt his own eyes welling up.

“Come here,” he muttered.

Dan shifted towards him, and hid his face against his shoulder, their hands still connected. Phil brought up his other arm and started threading his fingers through Dan's hair, softly murmuring soothing nonsense. He could feel him slightly shaking, and grabbed the other end of the blanket to pull it over him. That wasn't the most comfortable way to hug someone, but that was enough.

“I really should've thought of bringing a jacket,” Dan eventually mumbled.

Phil chuckled. “Yeah, you should know the nights are still cold. We're not going to stay too long, anyway.”

“Thank you,” Dan said.

“Why?”

“I needed a hug,” he smiled.

Phil squeezed his hand a little.

“Well, thank you.”

“For?”

“Letting me give you one.”

Dan chuckled, and they stayed like this for a while longer. And it was as if they were alone in the world, as if there was nothing but both of them and the sky watching over them, like a promise that everything would be okay. And Phil believed it. It would all be fine.

“We should go,” Dan was the first to break the silence. “Before we catch a cold or something.”

“Yeah, you're right.”

They got up and packed their things, before walking up to their separation point. They said goodnight to each other, and walked away. Phil stopped after a few steps and turned around.

“Hey, Dan?”

Dan looked back at him.

“I'm proud of you, you know.”

The smile Dan gave him was almost blinding, even in the darkness of the night, and he couldn't get it out of his mind for the rest of the night.

**

They had started hanging out even more after that night, when they tried to pretend they were studying or just playing Mario Kart in Dan’s room. Sometimes, Phil was simply lying on the floor, reading one of Dan’s space books or telling him random plant facts while Dan was trying to be somewhat productive on his own.

Today was like that, Phil had his arms crossed behind his head and was looking at the ceiling where Dan had plastered a few posters. He wasn’t completely sure of how they weren’t falling off, but that didn’t matter.

As always, Dan ended up giving up on his attempt at productivity, and sat on the bed, close to Phil..

“Miss me already?” Phil smiled.

“Shut up,” Dan mumbled, softly kicking his leg. “I’m tired.”

Phil got up and joined him, sitting cross legged on the bed.

“Bad night?”

Dan nodded. “Didn’t get much sleep, I kept having nightmares. I just hope tonight will be better,” he shrugged.

Phil gave him a little smile, but didn’t say anything for a while.

“Hey,” he ended up saying. “Would it be okay if I drew on your arm?”

Dan looked at him and thought about it for a moment, his expression unreadable.

“Of course, you don’t have to let me,” Phil added quickly. “I was just wondering. You obviously don’t have to.”

“No, okay,” Dan said. “You can try, I guess? But only if I can draw on yours too.”

“Alright,” he laughed. “Fine by me.” He grabbed a pen from the desk and gently grabbed Dan’s left arm. “Tell me if you want me to stop, alright? I will.”

“I know,” Dan smiled. “Don’t worry.”

Phil started to draw, the lines slowly becoming a few tiny cacti, as carefully as he could. He felt a weight on his shoulder at some point, but just thought Dan was trying to see what he was doing. After a few minutes, the weight started to slide, and before he knew it, Dan was asleep with his head on Phil’s knee.

_([click here to see the art](http://nataliadeluckah.tumblr.com/post/167952497723/this-is-for-wavydanrisess-fic-called-the-stars))_

He couldn’t help but smile at that, deciding it was better to let him get some rest, for once. He grabbed a book lying around - talking about black holes, of course - and started reading. He didn't understand most of what it was talking about, but he was still enjoying it. He didn't have to understand everything.

*

A little more than an hour later, Dan started to stir and sat up.

“Sorry,” he yawned. “Didn’t mean to fall asleep like that. You should’ve woken me up.”

Phil chuckled.

“Come on, you keep saying you can’t sleep, I wasn’t going to disturb you the one time you were able to. I don’t mind,” he shrugged. “You didn’t have nightmares now, did you?”

Dan shook his head. “No, it had been a while. Maybe because you were there,” he shrugged too. “I don’t know. But it would make sense, right? I didn’t know you when I was with Laura, so if I know you’re here, I can’t dream about her. I don’t know.”

Phil smiled. “Well at least you know drawing on you arm seems pretty calming.”

“Oh.” Dan looked down at his arm, at the line of four cacti. The skin’s swell was already starting to fade. “I forgot. But I like it, thank you.”

“Your turn now, that was part of the deal.”

Dan laughed. “How could I forget?”

**

“What is it, this time?” PJ asked, pointing at Phil’s arms.

Phil simply shrugged, he was used to Peej’s remarks, and he knew he only meant well. He was a little annoying, though. Everything he knew about Dan was what Phil had told him, and that didn’t make a lot of information.

“Phenylacetic acid, and Lacerta. You’ve taken quite some time, since when is your class so far from here?” Phil decided it was time to get his revenge.

PJ smirked.

“Ran into Dan and his friend, Louise I think? Yeah, that’s it. Anyway, they’re cool. Can’t believe you didn’t introduce me before, but I’m glad to know you talk about me.”

“Who else would I complain about?” Phil laughed. “And yeah, I’m sure you just ‘happened’ to run into them,” he added sarcastically.

“Well, it’s kinda hard to miss a guy who’s got flowers drawn on both of his arms, and it’s pretty easy to guess that’s he’s your Dan.”

“He's not _my_ Dan,” Phil replied. “Please tell me you didn’t do anything embarrassing.”

PJ laughed. “Nah, don’t worry, I’m a good friend. Louise suggested we all went out for a drink or something, so you two could finally meet, etcetera. I said I’d ask you what you thought of it.”

“Yeah sure, why not? That would be a good idea, actually. When?”

“I dunno yet, I was thinking maybe Friday? I have stuff to do before that.”

“Friday would work,” Phil nodded. “I’ll text Dan to know if it’s good for them.”

“You do that,” PJ said before leaving the room.

Phil sat on a chair and grabbed his phone.

**_To: Dan_ **

_Hey, apparently you met Peej and didn’t even warn me? Rude_

**_From: Dan_ **

_he wanted to be the one telling you idk i didn’t question it_

**_From: Dan_ **

_he told you louise wanted us to meet up?_

**_To: Dan_ **

_Yeah, that’s why I texted you actually_

**_From: Dan_ **

_and i thought you just wanted to talk to me. what a sad truth_

Phil laughed.

**_To: Dan_ **

_I always want to talk to you_

**_From: Dan_ **

_cheesy_

**_To: Dan_ **

_Shut up_

**_To: Dan_ **

_Is Friday night good for you and Louise?_

**_From: Dan_ **

_i think so. let me check with her real quick_

**_From:_** **_Dan_**

_yep, all good. we’ll pick you up around 7? or not depending on how late i am oops_

**_To: Dan_ **

_Let’s say 7, yeah. See you tomorrow anyway?_

**_From: Dan_ **

_yup. you’re not getting rid of me that easily_

**

The rest of the week went by quickly enough, and it was suddenly Friday evening. Phil heard knocking on the door, and he opened it quickly, surprising Dan and making him take a step back. Louise was standing just a few steps back.

“Give me a minute, Peej has managed to lose my contact lenses,” he smiled apologetically.

“I told you, it’s not me!” PJ shouted from behind him.

“Didn’t know you wore glasses,” Dan commented. “Wait, yes I did, you had them when we went stargazing. Forgot about that.”

“Forget it,” PJ appeared next to Phil. “I have no idea where _you_ put them and I’m not spending ten hours looking for them. And you look great in glasses, etcetera, everyone here agrees with me. Let’s go.”

Louise laughed and waved a little.

“Hi, you probably guessed it already but I’m Louise. And, yes, glasses suit you quite well.”

Dan poked at the bridge of Phil’s glasses.

“Mmh, not too bad,” he seemed to think about it. “You can come with us.”

“How kind of you,” Phil replied with sarcasm. “Let’s go then.”

Peej and him got out of the room and they all walked out of the building. Louise and PJ were leading the way, as Louise had chosen the place where they were heading. She looked back when Phil made Dan laugh with a space pun (“Hey Dan, what kind of songs do the planets sing?” “I don’t know?” “Nep-tunes!” “Oh my god, Phil.”) and smiled at them.

The bar wasn’t very far from the campus, but it didn’t seem too crowded, surprisingly enough. Louise stopped Phil by putting a hand on his arm just before they entered.

“Hey, Phil? Could I talk to you for a minute?” She asked.

“Yeah, of course.”

Dan shot him an apologetic grimace before following PJ inside.

“So,” she started. “I’m sure you know this already, but Dan hasn’t exactly had the best experiences. And you seem lovely, from what I’ve heard, and it’s obviously not _my_ place to decide what’s best for him, but you know…”

“You’re just looking out for him,” Phil smiled. “I know. I’m glad he’s  got someone like you.”

“It's the least I can do. I know he trusts you a lot, and I'm glad you two met. You've been good for him. I just hope it'll keep being that way.”

“It will,” Phil said. “For as long as I can.”

Louise smiled back at him, and they both walked inside. They spotted PJ and Dan easily enough, and went to sit with them. Dan discreetly brushed his hand against Phil’s. They ordered their drinks, Louise was the only one to get a glass of wine and she sighed, complaining about their “fancy fruity bullshit cocktails”. Dan threatened to spill it on her if she didn’t stop, but she only laughed and ruffled his hair, making him dodge and hide against Phil’s shoulder. PJ chuckled, which got him a “shut up” from Phil.

They stayed at the bar for an hour or two before deciding to leave. Louise was funny and charming, and Phil could see why Dan and her were good friends. He was glad he got to properly meet her.

The chill air hit him as he opened the door. They walked for a bit, arguing about their favourite albums, when something caught Phil’s eyes, making him pause. Dan went back next to him, trying to see what he was looking at.

“Oh, it’s that exhibition you’ve been talking about for ages,” he said. “Impressionism, right?”

Phil nodded. “Yeah, never really been able to go. I didn’t know they had late-nights visits.”

“Well, let’s go then.”

Phil looked at him, surprise probably readable in his eyes.

“What?”

“You’ve been wanting to go for like, a month. I don’t even know how many times you’ve talked to me about it, I have at least 20 texts from you to prove it. Now that we’re here, we might as well use the opportunity and finally go.”

“You keep saying “we”,” Phil pointed out softly.

“If you think you’re going to get rid of me that easily after all that, you’re deeply mistaken,” Dan laughed and took his hand, pulling him towards the queue in front of the gallery. “See you later, guys!” he added, waving to Louise and PJ who were standing a couple feet away.

PJ laughed and waved back.

“We’re not waiting for you, it’s too cold for that. Bye!”

Phil let Dan drag him to the end of the line, thankfully quite short.

“Hey, that’s my hoodie,” he suddenly remarked. “You thief.”

“I’m not giving it back now, it’s bloody freezing. Also, it’s your fault. You shouldn’t have given me a cute one if you wanted it back.”

Phil shrugged.

“Suits you better than me anyway, you can keep it.”

“Aww, how kind of you,” Dan smiled.

Phil squeezed his hand.

“Hey, thank you for coming with me. You didn’t have to.”

Dan’s smile grew bigger.

“You care about it, right? That’s enough for me.”

“Thank you,” Phil said again.

“Careful dear, you’re repeating yourself. You old man.”

The older man in front of them turned around, looking quite angry, before it was his turn to get inside.

“Oops,” Dan whispered.

Phil chuckled.

*

The exhibition was amazing. Phil was so glad Dan had insisted to go, it was incredible. There were so many great paintings, and a few pages from notebooks, and everything was breathtaking. He was amazed by everything they saw.

Dan giggled, seeing him in awe like that. They were still holding hands.

“Well, looks like you should listen to me more often,” he murmured.

“Mhh, maybe I do, yeah. We’ll see how that goes,” Phil smiled.

“And, you know what?” Dan added after a while. “I have another thing to say that you should listen to.”

“Really? And what would that be ?” Phil asked, raising an eyebrow

“One day, you’ll be the one people will come here to see. Well, more your art, really. But if this gallery has any idea of how to keep a business going, they’ll ask you. Or another one will. It doesn’t matter, really. I know someone will, and it’ll probably be their best initiative in a long time.”

“You seem very confident,” Phil grinned. “What will you say when you see how wrong you are?”

“Nothing,” Dan said. “Because that won’t happen.”

He turned his head and kissed him on the cheek.

“We’ll see how that goes,” Phil said once again, his smile mirroring the one on Dan’s face.

“You keep saying “we”,” Dan pointed out, his hold on Phil’s hand slightly tighter.

“If you think you’re going to get rid of me that easily after all that, you’re deeply mistaken, dear.”


End file.
